My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
