he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
