Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
