She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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