I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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