Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
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