I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
