we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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