So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize