I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
