dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
