just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
