I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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