Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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