the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
