Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
