so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
