So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
