Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
