I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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