He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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