omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
