fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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