...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
