i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
