don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
