We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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