hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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