I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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