At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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