The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
