I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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