this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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