so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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