How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
