then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
