I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
