I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
