Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
