guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
