please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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