I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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