I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize