Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
