Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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