Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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