not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
These tits shall not be calmed
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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