All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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