Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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