Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
