There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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