Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It's never too late to be topless.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
