so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
