I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
being pregnant is like rehab
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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