Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
