I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
