I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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