fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
