Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
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