Please, let me fuck your mom
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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