the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
