When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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