Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
