Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
