I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
