He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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