glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
